Montessori Musings

What can I say? I'm enjoying alliteration these days.

My oldest, Rafe, is finishing elementary school this year and should be enrolling in the local middle school come fall.  However, I have been feeling unenthused about the middle school (it probably hasn't helped that I'm still not certain where the building is actually located) and was wanting something different for Rafe.  We'd been tossing around the idea of homeschooling him since we moved; Alaska has some great homeschool programs that assist with the planning and help fund homeschooling so that the first $1800 of supplies and programs I used would be paid for.  I think Rafe would enjoy homeschooling but there's a slight hitch: I work.  And since we've moved north, I'm working more hours than ever (for the same pay - ah, the glory of owning your own business).  I'm usually home by the time they get home from school but, clearly, I wouldn't be able to work, spend hours homeschooling, be there to help my other kids when they got home from school or homeschool all three children, and then accomplish the other zillion things I like to do in a day.  I know, I know.  You thought I was Wonder Woman and now you are crushed.  I am so sorry.  I guess I'll have to return the Lasso of Truth.  Damn.

While engaged in contemplating my navel the future, I stumbled upon a flier for an upcoming open house at an alternative district school. I dragged encouraged my homeschooling SIL to go with me and I was impressed with the presentation.  I even attended last Tuesday to observe the three different classrooms (a 1-3, 4-6 and 7-8).

The school is a Montessori program (I'm sure you gathered that from the title because you are so brilliant) and I loved the setup of the classrooms and the flexibility of the curriculum.  The class sizes are much smaller (at least half of what the regular school would be) and the kids actually get 1/2 an hour for lunch.  It's the little things that matter.  I think there will be a lot of benefits to my children attending this school.

So what's the problem?

I. hate. change.

I know.  It's shocking after my ready acceptance of moving my family over a thousand miles to the north, but it's true.  Moreover, I get nervous whenever I step outside of the mainstream unless I am certain of my path.  DH's sister once said that I like to get all my information in black and white and then say, "Hmmm...thanks.  I'll think about it."  So choosing a such a different educational style, even though I'm unsatisfied with the mainstream option, has been given me waves of anxiety.

A dear friend asked me why I was struggling with the idea so much as I, quite enthusiastically, attended St. John's College and enjoyed their great books program.  To which I replied, "If I make a mistake in my life, it's one thing, but if I make a mistake with my children's lives, that's another."

To sum: I hate change and I hate the idea of being wrong and I hate the idea of being different unless I'm sure that I'm right and mother guilt.  Ugh.

Again with the sticking my neck out.  Again with the brave helmeted mouse trying to steal the cheese from the trap.  At least that's how I'm feeling.

But I did it.  In a fit of rightness and passion, I signed the applications and mailed them off.  Now I just have to wait a month to see if my children were accepted in the first lottery. . . .

PS - I know this was a rough post.  All I can say is that my skills for making my mundane insanity amusing have waned a bit during the break.  Here's hoping they'll return....and rapidly!