O Mother, Where Art Thou?

I have noticed that when I get fits of depression, they often gravitate toward the existential kind.  Of late, I have been quite. . . uncertain about life and the next life as well.  Part of my discontent has been my marriage - this year has been a bittersweet year.  It's been remarkably blessed with some very sweet moments and also in the fact that our disagreements, after 12 years of marriage, have been distilled to the root of the matter instead of all those blasted leaves.  It's been difficult in trying to work together (something we've NEVER done well) and in discovering that the roots of our matters are very, VERY different.  Irreconcilably different.  And yet we still desire to be together and to keep our marriage strong.

My point, though, is that this bittersweet year has got me thinking about who I am as a woman and what marriage means and what is my place in it.  Believing my marriage to be an eternal bond, what does this say about my situation/life in the eternities?  I appreciate that in the eternities I will be a better person, a complete and holy person, and so will my husband.  Perhaps that will make all the difference.  But I am still uncertain as to what that means.

I feel as though when I contemplate the next life, I can glean some information from my Heavenly Father and from Jesus.  But at the end of the day, they are men.  They hold the priesthood.  They are the kings of a patriarchal setup.

So where does that leave me since I definitely don't have a penis and have no desires to acquire one?

I have been wondering about my Heavenly Mother and wondering about what she does.  It seems so counter to the spirit and to who I believe Heavenly Father to be that Mother would just be a spirit child making shadow, flitting about in the background but never doing anything of substance for Her children.  My heart despairs of that being my eternal lot.

And yet I find it hard to combat the fact that, from my belief's standpoint, the heavens are so silent as to who She is and what She does.  All the prophets have said is that She exists, which in and of itself is a great comfort to me.

And I sorrow at the fact that She seems to have no investment in my mortal pains.  My Savior is here and so is my Father, but where is my Mother?

Am I doomed to be as silent as She?